What the problem was
I think I now know what went wrong with my marriage... my wife really didn't understand how much I liked sex, and how much she didn't like sex. This led her to two mistakes in her thinking... she thought that she would change, to be a person that liked sex more than she did at the time of our marriage, and the second mistake being she thought I would change and become a person who had less interest in sex than I did at the time of our marriage. Of course things couldn't have gone more wrong. I continued to appreciate sex as much as I ever did, and she came to embrace her inner dislike for sex.
Given this scenario, it is no wonder that I find myself in the plight that I do.
posted by James at 4:40 PM
3 Comments:
I cannot believe it took all these years for you to figure this out. You should have come to this conclusion before 1983 was over with or at least 1984. Myra
Wow. Here i had thought i was alone.
James,
Unless your wife is a-sexual, I suspect that she does not dislike sex. I bet she may not prefer the type of sex she has experienced with you. Tuning into her needs, values and disposition can help you understand how to help her to the type of sex that pleases her, and teach you how to please her. Maybe she would prefer to penetrate you than to be penetrated. Maybe she would prefer you shave the hair off your back, beautify yourself, be more romantic to get the chakras spinning to create desire within her.Maybe your devotion to her impacts her sex drive. Maybe you want kinky dominance that she feels is demeaning, and she want vanilla devotional sex. There are so many reasons why women can not stand to have sex with their husbands. It always amounts to devotion, respect, consideration, among other things. Sex is a liability on women, a mans body can cause lots of problems to a womans body. It dosn't matter if it is vagina, oral or other, women are often the receivers of mens dirty dick issues; pregnacy, infections, vinerial deseases, pelvic issues, etc. Therefore, sex is a gift that you must earn. Satisfying you could be a huge burden on her. Therefore, you need to give her a reason to desire to deal with that burden. Women aren't stupid, if you continue to try to figure out to get what you want from your wife without considering her needs you will continue to come up with these ridiculous hypothesises that suite your ego when the reality is that you might be the reason why she doesn't want to have sex. Frankly, if you were Brad Pitt,the sexy hubby who cooks, cleans, dotes over and serves his kids, worships his woman and keeps fit and sexilicious, I bet her libido would charge up into over drive. The thought a man like that gives me juicy coochie.LoL. But if you are Archy Bunker, my cooch would have dried up like raisens in the oasis. Sex would be repulsive thought.
Don't listen to these patriarchal dominant guys who say that I don't get it. It is they that don't get the power of orgasm denial. Orgasm denial is the most frustrating experience for a strong viral heterosexual man. But the release is the most powerfully intense experience for a strong viral man. If you play your cards right and give into your woman, she could bring you to spiritual ecstasy. Conversely, if you continue to listen to these meat-heads you could remain the self-sexed masturbating king in a sexless relationship, filled with resentment. Are you looking to resolve your sexless situation, or are just looking for other men to validate your position by agreeing with you? If the latter is the case, then you have made your choice. I suppose you prefer being sexless and resentful. Just a thought.
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